BlindEye and the Baptist

Now don’t go jumpin’ on wrong conclusions. Goldie Lamb may have overslept, but he’s up now. I seen him down by the river washin’ the linens and things on the rock.

Uncle John’s Band seems happy he’s finally comin’ around to it. But anyway, I asked ’bout what someone said and he smiled. I asked again and he laughed. I asked a third time and he pointed to the Baptist.

Now, I ain’t never been a real-lijerous guy, but when I listened, I swore I could hear!

Chicks go for the Intellectual types. I figured the best way to impress ’em was to read a lot of books. But hey! Do you know how many books there are? Why, there must be… hundreds of ’em! But I was already a pretty smart guy. I didn’t waste my time reading all those other books. Heck no! I read… the dictionary.

Hey! I figure it’s got all those other books in it.*
— Steve the Baptist

And where wuz we? Oh yeah…

So I laughed at the Baptist, ’cause everyone else was laughin’ and I didn’t want to not fit in the river. And then the strangest thing happened.

The waters parted as we combed through the dictionary, and we found a lots of books and stories and words we thought we knowed but must not have knowed ’cause the meanings was diff’rent than we all thought the meanings was. You know, before we read the insides.

Wow! It was as obvious as the blind spot in front of my face.

I was so happy that I forgot to pretend not to believe it. And then ev’rybody else ran away ’cause I guess that’s the scary part.

I wish I could remember why that is.


*Editor’s Note: A reader once accused BlindEye of misappropriating those words from Steve Martin. BlindEye’s Response: I don’t knowed nothin’ ’bout no Martin, but sure, Steve’s the Baptist. What’s yer question?


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